给自己泡了一杯咖啡，照例加了鲜奶。我不再专属于黑咖，因为加了奶的咖啡更漂亮也更润滑。

偷窥得逞可是我宁愿什么都没有看到。窥到别人心里的想法比看到任何可怕的东西都可怕，所以可想而知，我有多么的懊悔。

一切都有关于爱情。朋友说现在的人越来越缺少最纯最真的感情，被物欲所蒙蔽，想要一些纯洁的情怀却又患得患失。为什么偶像剧爱情小说如此受欢迎？因为纯洁的爱情几近灭绝了吧。

我也不能免俗。看着天国的嫁衣，哭得个稀里哗啦。觉得自己很傻，有什么可哭得？现实生活里哪里找这么单纯的爱情，这么痴情的男女？也许正是因为找不到所以才会难过。

找一段爱情不难，对我来说，爱情曾经是生活的全部，牵动我每一根神经。对方的一个眼神一个动作一句话都影响我很久。经历过几次恋爱，爱情大体就是这样，没有什么特殊。

可是突然想明白，现在的我也许并不适合拥有爱情。正是从惊天动地的死去活来到现在的麻木，我终于肯承认，我从未有过正确的爱情观。I m not ready for falling in love。

和一个人在一起，我究竟可以给他什么？曾经以为我是可以全心付出全身投入的爱一个人，对他好，照顾他，关心他。可是点点滴滴的回忆证明我是失败的。真实的我比较不会在乎对方的感受。并不是不倾听，我可以做一个最好的听众，也可以做一个最好的咨询者，但是当双方的想法发生矛盾的时候，我真的无法顾及他的感觉，更不会让步。我的好朋友是个爱情上的小傻瓜，至少我是这么觉得。她可以忍耐很多坚持很久也不管代价有多大。我羡慕她，也自愧做不到这些。不过我怀疑男人遇到这样的女人不会怕么？

无法说明究竟应该做到什么程度才是个好的恋人。也许当你爱上一个人的时候，这些就不重要了。

但是现在，我无法靠近爱情。

Next boy must be handsome. OMG, I couldn't help having the idea of a handsome boyfriend. It's terrible, isn't? It might be not~.

Faye used to say that girls should treat themselves the handsome boyfriends so long as all men are cheating on us. That's so damned true. I should've started my essays days ago but didn't. Watching  Taiwan TV series for a long time~I just sank myself in these romantic stories and couldn't pull out. I found so many cute boys on TV, including cool boys. All of a sudden, a slant pop into my mind. There's such a bunch of the handsome in the world. Why couldn't I find myself a handsome lover next time? Yeah, I will. Just as Faye said, don't put your eyes merely on how good the guy is anymore. It will change, and the change happens so quick that you can't even give a reflection.

OK, temporarilly, I wanner have a handsome, tall, good-bodyshape guy, who must be elder than me and have beautiful eyes and good living habits, and would better, btw, study science, maths, or physics.

HAHA, funny, that standard is so weirdly high and I m afraid I will be lonely forever~!

Crap above~ just for hahahaha~